Welcome to our second column! Enjoy!
What got you into the advice business?
Same reason Fox News is around: we’re hilariously unqualified, but still trying to convince people we know what we’re doing.
Should I get my learner’s permit? When should I take Driver’s Ed?
We both mistimed this. You should try to get your permit/license as soon as possible––it gives you a lot more freedom and will open up avenues (get it?!) for hanging out with friends. If you’re fifteen and a half, get Driver’s Ed out of the way during winter break! You get a full three weeks off, so you’ll have plenty of time to finish the online course.
Will you submit more than one of these?
Nah, we thought we’d just retire after one. Sequels always suck.
Where are good places to hang out at CPS when it rains and you want to hide from the freshmen?
Most of the teachers are willing to open up classrooms when it’s raining. Make sure you respect the space, though! The student center, the library, and the LC are great places to relax. As for the part about freshmen, you should try to talk to them; they’re not as evil as you might think! Remember, you were once a freshman too… (Om––if you’re reading this, we want our Class of 2020 sweatshirts now).
How do you deal with serious losses like a beloved’s beautiful luscious hair?
There is no dealing, only tears, many tears. Let’s call this “beloved” Butter, for simplicity. We tried a lot of things: sometimes, I’d look at Butter and my brain would begin to draw his old hair onto the canvas where it used to be; sometimes, I’d look at Butter and just accept my fleeting memory of his beauty; sometimes, I’d just break down and run away to my little corner, access the student directory, and reminisce, sobbing, at what once was. In the end, you will begin to realize that, just like all good things, the pain is only temporary. Hair grows, and we carry on. All good things must come to an end; with time, I have come to accept this principle.
Please give us A’s in English now.
What’s YOUR question?
Why are you wasting our time? Answer that.
What are some shows I should start watching on Netflix?
Westworld (not on Netflix, but amazing), House of Cards, Breaking Bad, Stranger Things, Parks and Rec, BoJack Horseman, OITNB, Arrested Development. And the ultimate suggestion: Black Mirror.
However, we must advise you to hold off on watching these shows until after finals. Keep these suggestions in mind for Winter Break!
What is the price of friendship?
Depends on how much you are willing to invest. Friendship is weird and complicated, sometimes you have to invest a lot of time and effort to keep a friendship together. In our opinion, the best friendships are ones where you can be yourself without having to compromise too much of your personality or your time. There will be rough times, but stay strong!
What was your favorite freshman year class?
Imaan: PHYSICS WITH DOC!
Arnav: World Civ with Paige. We miss you!.
Imaan: Yeah, Paige was all the answers to my ‘Top 10.’
I’m an overachieving CPS student who looooooves doing homework––are there any clubs for me?
You should join Math Club and help them calculate Robotics Club’s debt. Actually, all clubs are fun and unique. See if you can join the super secretive meme club (there are only a couple members on campus; try and find them!). On a separate note, we recommend that you support all our wonderful clubs by purchasing food from campus bake sales. Buying from Robotics Club is a win-win: you get great food and they get one step closer towards breaking even. Two Robotics Club debt jokes in one answer? Yes we did.
What are your opinions of the new block schedule?
We noticed a lot of hesitation and uncertainty at first, but I think we speak for most people when we say that the reception has become overwhelmingly positive.
I feel like I’m going crazy from my stress… What’s your favorite way to decompress after a long hard day?
Donuts. Netflix. Donuts AND Netflix.
How does one manage stress without eating donuts?
Want your question answered in the next column? Respond to the survey here: https://goo.gl/forms/kk6Rop0It0WUxRT82!
Enjoyed reading this one? Go check out our last advice column! Click on our author names below to find Column #1!
Craving some sarcasm and self-deprecating humor in your life? Talk to us in person! We love meeting new people…and we’re a little bit desperate at this point.