• The Radar

Poetry competition: Anonymous

i don’t want to be thinking of you

i’ll be the first to admit

i don’t want to be thinking of you.


on the occasional day,

when i stepped into the market and thought of our texts

when i heard the song about mary and her swaying dress

when i missed falling asleep and soaring with butterflies in my chest

i didn’t want to be thinking of you.


and some moments,

where i typed out my thoughts in a throw-away textbox

where i wished you were more wrecked than me

where i gave into the guilt that groveled my empty chest

i couldn’t help but think of you.


every so often,

hazel eyes remind me of how we’d first met

rich sunsets remind me of how we’d connect

sad movies remind me of how we’d tried our best

i soared too high every time you turned my love into a duet—


perhaps,

i’d forgotten how to land on my feet after soaring

i’m remembering how to embrace the sensation of failing

i remember how to live for loving, instead of loving for living

during those points when i couldn’t dare think of you.


and on most days,

your stiff family photos that made me smile

your witty pickup lines that made me sigh

your escaping feelings that made me crumble

turned into those days when i did know better than to think of you.


but alas, i’m getting ahead of myself,

because i’ll be the first to admit

i don’t want to be thinking of you.

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