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Advice From Senior Citizens: Why Do All the Seniors Look Like Drained Zombies?

What, in your opinion, is the best part about College Prep?

Jack: Emile and George

Emile: George and Jack

George: The half-and-half Snapples in the vending machines

Jack, how do I get good @ fantasy football?

Jack: Play good players that get a lot of points, and have your opponents not play good players that get a lot of points.

Emile: Draft the Detroit Lions Defense in the second round like I did.

Jack: That is 100% a true story. It didn’t work.

When is the best time to take the ACT/SAT?

Jack: I would recommend taking one early to get a feel for the test. The PSAT doesn’t fully mirror what it’ll feel like during the real thing. The benefit of this is, if you aren’t happy with your score, then you can just take it again! The only real downside to taking it multiple times is getting up early on a Saturday morning.

George: Totally agree. It’s a lot less stressful if you know you have another chance at the test, when you already know what it’s going to be like and you can prepare a little better.

Emile: Take some practice tests (Khan Academy has some great materials) or an actual proctored test to determine where you are currently at. Then decide what next steps you want to take, whether that is ACT/SAT tutoring, more Khan Academy studying, or none at all.

How do you get fast and good at essay writing? I’m a junior and I still take forever to write English and history essays.

Fast and good may be oxymorons when it comes to essay writing. A good essay will take some time to write. But, we do think that a lot of the time that is wasted on essay writing comes when the essay writer starts writing without a clear direction and a convoluted thesis that they heavily revise throughout the writing process.

Emile and Jack: So, the solution is an outline. Really though, outline! Find your thesis, your evidence, figure out what types of analysis you will provide, create an order for them, and only then begin to write. Make sure that your evidence supports your thesis, that your analysis supports your evidence, and that their order is straightforward and simple. Really take the time to make your thesis before you start writing though; even the slightest changes might make some of your evidence and analysis invalid.

George: For English specifically, sometimes it’s actually really good to freewrite, rather than start with an outline. When you let your thoughts flow, especially for a more subjective essay, you can occasionally pick out a really great idea that you would have missed had you focused on a specific outline. Having a general idea of the structure of your paper is still good though.

Why do all the seniors look like drained zombies?

George: College apps are hard, man.

Emile: Grades matter.

Jack: I somehow got a -5 on the AP help

Or, they are just cosplaying the Walking Dead, because they all just rewatched the entire show this past weekend. #DontLetItBeCoral

WHO RUNS CPS MEME PAGE!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????

We have no idea, but Emile and George are prepared to offer $1 and a hug from Jack if the creator steps forward.



First ask yourself if you are more interested in scientific inquiry, as in research with genetics, materials science, physics, chemistry, etc. OR if you find yourself more interested in changing the local situation with regards to the environment, health, education, and/or social equality.

The former is something you will get to do a lot in STEM, your first semester will be based entirely in reading scientific articles, and trying to both learn how to read them and learn about the science in them. Your internship will likely be in a lab, not necessarily in the subject of your choice but still in a very interesting scientific field, and then you will make a presentation on the work you did.

The second list of items: environment, health, education, and social equity in the local area, is on the docket for STOak. Your internship may be with a company or mentor whose job it is to promote changes in these area.

Now, if you find yourself equally excited for the two programs, we have two more things to think about.

  1. STOak is a new program and the internships/mentor opportunities at STOak have not been previously done by CPS students. While we’re sure that STOak will find a great variety of internships, it may be better for people who will enjoy being the pioneers of the program, who are very excited for it, and who are okay with paving their own path in the process for CPS students to follow. Meanwhile, STEM is a program that has been around, and it is likely that the internships that you will be offered have been done by CPS students before; the mentors of these programs have likely worked with students before, and they will know how to work with you. This makes STEM a better choice for those equally excited for the two programs, in our opinion.

  2. Think about which application will help you stand out more. Be sure to look at both and think about what essay answer will help you sound excited for the program. If a great idea for a response comes to you after reading the STEM prompt but not the STOak one, or vice versa, there’s your answer. Whichever application will be more natural for you to write will be the one in which stand out more.    

“Why isn’t the senior option for dropping assignments called the ‘senior discount’”?

We don’t know but we love the idea.

How do I ask out my crush?

Since we’ve never been successful, we can tell you how not to do it!

  1. By email

  2. By sending a secret message in a bottle down the cps waterfall, which contains a clue that leads to a room full of flowers in the science building

  3. Asking their friend to ask for you

  4. At a funeral

  5. In front of their parents

  6. Asking them out on a date at assembly

  7. Any way that George would do it

  8. Immediately before making them cry (unless they were crying from laughing that you just asked them out, in which case, you probably shouldn’t have done it)

  9. At their funeral

  10. Right after they said they wouldn’t go to prom with you

  11. In the first month of freshman year, like c’mon…

What is the best secret not well known spot on campus?

Emile: We could tell you, and we have a good one in mind, but then it would not be secret, and because EVERYONE will read this awesome article, it will be well known.

So we will have to tell you in secret.

Meet Jack tonight on the gym deck at midnight. Avoid detection. Bring a live chicken and a bottle of Tapatio. Await further instructions. The chicken will take you to the secret spot when prompted by the secret script that only Jack knows. The bottle of Tapatio will find its uses.

This, or live your life without the knowledge of where that chicken will lead you.


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