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Humans of CPS: Beckett P.

Beckett P., Junior - Interview Conducted by Joseph Shelby

Friday, November 11, 2022: The Commons is bursting from the seams with excitement and joy after the recent Global Faire. Talk of Bio quests, History quizzes, and Spanish compositions fill my ears as I seek out my next interviewee. I find Beckett sitting comfortably at a couch enjoying chicken wings as if they were the only things that existed in the world. I click record. “Welcome Beckett.” The interview has begun…

Joseph: If you were a tree what kind would you be and why?

Beckett: I don’t know, man. I think I’d be an Oak tree, you know.

Joseph: Any particular reason why?

Beckett: Well, not really. I’ve been hitting the gym, and—I mean—I’ve been getting kinda sturdy recently, so…

Joseph: So, you associate oak trees with being on the tougher side.

Beckett: Yeah, they just seem to come to mind when I think of strong, durable, and reliable trees.

Joseph: Does that have anything to do with Oakland as a city?

Beckett: Not really. It’s more of a personal thing.

Joseph: Alright, I’ll take it.

Joseph: Second question. Do you consider yourself lucky? Why or why not?

Beckett: I’d probably say average.

Joseph: Can you tell me a little bit about why?

Beckett: I don’t know… probably statistics. *laughs*

Joseph: So follow up question then, do you believe in the idea that luck tends to come in waves? Like, if lots of good things are happening, then something bad is bound to occur.

Beckett: I’ve got no clue. I think a lot of different things happen at different times, so you can’t really put a trend on it.

Joseph: That’s pretty deep. Alright, next question. If you were a brand, what would your slogan be?

Beckett: I’d say I don’t use slogans. I think I’m too complex of an individual, and I can’t be simplified that much.

Joseph: So, if I’m understanding you right, you think that a slogan wouldn’t be able to capture you in your full form.

Beckett: Yeah, it wouldn’t be able to capture my “uniquity.”

Joseph: Are you sure that’s a word?

Beckett: Yup.

Joseph: Alright, I respect it. If you had to grade your life as if it was a college class, what grade would you give yourself?

Beckett: Probably an A.

Joseph: Do you think you’ve fulfilled all of the requirements on the rubric? Or is there even a rubric to be graded on?

Beckett: Yeah, I think I’ve been a pretty good person so far in my life.

Joseph: So, you’d say that you’re not going to be graded based on your successes, but rather, on how good of a person you’ve been.

Beckett: Yeah I’d agree with that. Personally, I think of being a good person as one of the fundamental “sections on the rubric” in my life. But, yeah, this is a lot to think about.

Joseph: Alright, we’ll cool it down on this next one. What’s your favorite writing snack or drink? Like, say you’re working on your term paper, or finishing up an English paper late at night.

Beckett: Probably just plain old water. I just have a lot of that in my house.

Joseph: So can I assume you’re not a person who relies on a sugar boost to sort of get the ideas flowing?

Beckett: Yeah, I think drinking things like soda just makes you write a lot. They don’t really help out the quality of your writing, and a lot of the time, they make your writing worse.

Joseph: That makes a lot of sense. For our last question: how many tennis balls would fit in this room (Student Commons)?

Beckett: Bro, what. *laughs* At least, like, fifty.

Joseph: I think I’m going to need you to get a bit more specific.

Beckett: Okay, what’s the diameter of a tennis ball?

Joseph: This is just off of the top of my head, but maybe around 3 inches.

Beckett: I’m just going to throw out 14,322.

Joseph: I think that’s a pretty respectable answer. This place is pretty big. But anyway, thanks for the interview Beckett, and I’ll see you around.

Beckett: See you.


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