BREAKING: US President Audits Constitutional Law Seminar, Declares War on Iran For 9th Time Using Stick Figures and Highlighters

In an unprecedented and widely puzzling turn of events, Donald Trump announced Monday that he would personally audit the school’s Constitutional Law Seminar in order to refine his strategy for the ongoing conflict with Iran.

Sources say Trump arrived in a motorcade, waving a giant annotated flipbook of the Constitution, and insisted on reading only the parts he liked out loud to students. Witnesses report that Trump arrived with a backpack containing 50 highlighters, three dry-erase markers, and a pack of crayons, insisting that “you can’t understand Article II without color coding it.” He then proceeded to redraw the entire Constitution using stick figures.

Trump wrote on Truth Social during his allotted bathroom time: “I understand ALL OF THIS– BOTH MARBURY AND MADISON. Nobody understands the Constitution like I do. People are always asking me, how do you understand? I say it’s simple, because I’m SMARTER THAN EVERYONE. And Iran? They KNOW. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

Trump ended the seminar by declaring that he may “audit other classes next week, like biology, because I KNOW about cells too, probably better than the whole Science Department combined.”