The Unethicality of the Cougar Mascot

We all saw it. Whether you have TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, or maybe even Facebook (weirdo), you’ve undoubtedly seen the viral video of a person in a cougar costume pushing over a grandma to be first in line for a potluck. Unfortunately for the College Preparatory School’s reputation, the potluck was an Asian American Alliance potluck, the incident occurred in the College Prep courtyard, and the unethical cougar was College Prep’s very own Andrew Martinovsky, who just really wanted an egg roll (he’s allergic to eggs).

After a five hour closed-door meeting allegedly filled with yelling, sobbing, and the accidental destruction of a Harkness table, the school administration agreed that College Prep needed to detach itself from its sullied reputation by changing its mascot. To what, you ask? To the mighty banana slug.

The Radar interviewed College Prep’s student body to gauge how this change is sitting with them.

“Honestly, I think banana slugs are sick,” senior Claire von Metzsch said. “Banana slugs are huge. They’re, like, the big dawgs of the slug family.”

Senior Katelyn Roberts fervently agreed with von Metzsch. “As a runner, I just have so much respect for banana slugs. People think slugs are slow, but for a slug, they’re pretty fast. Like, think about what that says for College Prep students. We stand out. I like it.”

Athletic director Duane McNeil has some concerns about the banana slug’s ferocity, but he was unfortunately overruled by the rest of the school administration. And fortunately, the mascot infringement lawsuit by UC Santa Cruz is likely to take years, if not decades.

So…meet Harold, College Prep’s new banana slug mascot!